qu3st

2008-06-13T00:25:00.001-07:00

just came back to see my blog.
after a long time,read all of my posts.
memories flashed by.its a good feeling.
im happy and satisfied alhumdulilah with my life at the moment.

2008-06-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

just came back to see my blog.
after a long time,read all of my posts.
memories flashed by.its a good feeling.
im happy and satisfied alhumdulilah with my life at the moment.

Mangni

2006-12-10T06:56:00.000-08:00

So after few 15 mins to an hour ill be getting engaged.Im all dressed
up and my phone is the only toy i have.Im all dressed up.Bilkul
dulhan,feel like washing my face and changing into pajamas.Chalo
waiting for fiance mian to come.

Calls

2006-12-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

And he called again,and again and again.We had a long chat last
night.Its our engagement tonight.And all things are going wrong with
the jora he brought for me.It dint get stitched properly.He showed
disappointment at me not selecting his dress.He chose mine,and
delivered it my place himself.Even chose the chappal to go with it.i
hv started to show my colours already.The best part about him is that
he himself wants to marry and its not just his parents wish.As for me
honestly i wanted to do it coz my parents asked me too,but now i guess
im falling for my fiance's gestures.Hehe.I hope god'll keep us
both.Happy and satisfied.

Lnh and his call.

2006-12-08T02:46:00.000-08:00

Went to lnh today for the test,it went really well.I dint prepare for
it but still it went pretty well.On my way out met friends from
college.We all gathered for tea with samosas,then i broke the news of
my engagement which is this sunday.While walkin back to my car i
checked my phone and my fiance's no was there in missed calls,damn.I
was waiting for him to call me for a week now and this is wot
happens,my phone was on sglent.Khair turned it to the loudest ring
possible and came back.On my way he called again finally.Its good to
hear his voice and his humorous talk.Makes me laugh.Then i got a
lecture about not driving while talkin after which he put the phone
down.He seems like a nice guy to me.Lets hope for the best.

shadi

2006-12-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

im gettin married.
so the guy called last nite...with whom im gettin married this march
he seems nice,fair and reasonable enough.
i feel like a typical pakistani woman.
shaid,its my job now to look after him and his family.
how things change!
i dont even know him properly and im gettin married.
we talked for two hours,two hours deciding for life time.
so i have said yes,and so did he.
our parents couldnt be happier.
i hope ill bring out the best in him and he brings out the best in me.
i hope our marriage is not that of a typical pakistani couple.
i dont even remember his face.i have met him twice and i have forgotten his face.
on the phone he sounded funny and was keeping me comfortable at all time.
but too many feminist books on my list have left thinkin about all the negatives in a man.
i hope its not that way.
p.s.i got my nose pierced and it hurts bad!

D.I.S.C.O

2006-11-29T22:58:00.000-08:00

Heard a really old song yesterday...A silly old song..:) im a disco dancer...Hahaha,in between in had this D is for dances, I is for item, S is for singer, C is for chorus, O is for orchestra.Hmmm dint know that,silly song teachin u silly abbreviations.

2006-11-28T06:34:00.000-08:00

and all of a sudden im so farigh and yet have no time for anythin
yesterday woke up to the shouting of my dad,
he wanted me to go to LNH for residency form.
i masi masi(punjabi for mushkil say) got out of bed,
got ready,drove like crazy only to find all,read all, under construction.
it took me a while before i reached LNH.
got the form,and shoot i forgot to bring a pen,asked the counter guy to lend me his pen for few minutes,he did.
as i was fillin in the form dutifully,i heard someone call my name,looked up with hair in my eyes to fine Ba and Wa standing there.
they looked at me as if i was stealing somethin.
finally BA spoke "mujhay pata tha ull apply here too"
i was "Han to?" a typical female reply.
khair i told them the procedure,good they didnt hv attested photocopies at hand.they had to go back....evil me...hehhehheheh.i submitted my form.
on my way back got the call from that firm,i applied few days back for a couseller kinda job.i had my interview today
i dotn think ill get the job.i told them honestly why i wanted the job,told them i was only bridgin gap between my h.j and residency.
lets see wot happens...
one interesting thing which he asked me was "have u crossed atlantic?"
i was like "yeah."
so he asked "which city did u go to?"
told him "been to seven states for the record and many cities includin lasvagas,washington,newyork,chicago...."
he cut me to ask "so in chicago did u go to von street...."
i was like "...emmm....no,but yeah i did to go d'von street...."
hehehhehehhe..he was like they are both the same thing....
lord.....i made a boo boo!
anyway....
i am making dinner tomorrow.its officially my duty to make dinner tomorrow and im planning on makin chicken tikka cum roast.
ive got some shan powder...will mix it with murgi and put it in the oven....lol....
bas.

three firsts

2006-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

So i posted it thrice.I dont know how to delete it from here.But will find out soon.

post post call

2006-11-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

i have been on calls every alternate day now and now i have started hallucinating!
i see and hear things which are not there.
my day started with a mourning face,i just didnt want to stay in the hospital that day.
but soon my mood was lifted because B and R came to say hi,they wanted to get their certificates attested
them both are appearing in a post-graduate exam called fcps in pakistan,
im lucky im exempted from it as i have cleared my membership of royal college of london.
so teased them,made them feel inferior,lol.
they came in and out of the ward while i worked,so at 3pm,they march in announcin we are goin for a lunch,S was on call in his ward too,so the plan was to pick him and go to a local cafe around,no one had a car so had to walk it there.
had so much work to do,told B n R to wait.they went to S's ward,tellin me to join em there.
i tried to finish as much as i could and rushed to S's ward,only to find S in a professor role,he acted like one.
he was tryin to give that look of look busy do nothin,after fifteen mins of battle,i just put my foot down,got up and shouted at S for being a jerk and spoiling everyones mood for a lunch,he got scared and we agreed to meet in fifteen mins outside the laboratory,i came running back to my ward,sent some pending investigations,wrote the remaining history,couselled one of the patients,ran out to the lab.R,B and S came there and we walked to the site.had biryani.B and R because not workin were not in the mood to go home,i knew i had a ward to attend to and so did S kept on beggin them to disperse,but sat there for fifteen more mins.
i am a bully type amongst my friends,but yesterday they started bullyin me,they started staring,bas i got confused,and they blamed me sayin im sharmaofyin and shit.i actually wasnt,ab how long can a person stare another.
so after some galofyin i tried to bribe them so that i could go back.
B and R went for icecream and me and S walked it back to the hospital.
knowing the nature of my call(hectic) we couldnt decide much for dinner.
but yeah it wasnt that hectic so had dinner at S's ward with chappati and some home made half garam salan.
gulped ti down with some warm water.
rushed back.
i slept quiet a lot on my call yesterday,surprisingly there werent many female patients admitted an this time i was in charge of the female ward.good good.
in the morning passed stomach tube to two patients,got the round done and came back home,
im not goin tomorrow,taking a day off as im on call on sunday too.
lets relax and watch a good movie.
yeah one of my patients attendant gave me alot of sincer duwain,the only reason was i listened to her story,
one day ill put up all the amazing stories that i have heard from my patients.

post call

2006-11-15T04:30:00.000-08:00

blogging after dayssssss.
have been busy with alternate calls,
three more calls and im done with my housejob.
postgraduation-ship to follow.
calls have not been that hectic but yeah very tiring.
i read,daughters of arabia after finishing princess and blasphemy.
and so the anger for men is emerging with any emotion associated with XY chromosomes.
got my hands on some good music.
first one was bas ik pal and wo lamhey's soundtrack.
other one is abida parveen's naaraye mastana...ahaaaa,maza agaya.
have so many things to say but little ATPs to support.
dhuwan dhuwan horaha hai saman,kay kahin to hai aag lagi.

low!

2006-11-09T04:54:00.000-08:00

down n low!
am on call tomorrow,
and its a holiday.when everyone will be sleepin ill be checkin B.Ps.
not fair.
i need to change my field.
want to have tea but to sleep too,and they both antagonize each other...wot
to do...
need to find de-nicotinized tea.
god help me.actually i just cant look upto god for help because of the way i
pray these days
half hearted namaz.im guilty of prayin in a hurry.so i dont think i deserve
to ask god for help.

50th

2006-11-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

this is my fiftieth post.
ive been bloggin quite alot lately.
i enjoy writing.
it was another hectic day at work.
im happy to have some understanding with the bed doctors now.
this dr.prakash is really freindly and we give alot of cover to each other.
if im post-call i can leave and if he's post call i make sure he leaves as soon as possible.finally posted with a responsible doctor after a long time.
not a shunter and im satisfied when he's around with the patients.
so we have this patient in our ward.he's from central prison and ethopian in origin,
he's serving term for drug smuggling.
he came with stroke(falij-layman term) of rite side of the body,
so for the first few days of his arrival we were even feeding him and giving him medicines,a task usually performed by the attendant.but as he had none we were doin it and knowin he's a stroke patient and wont be able to do it himself,first he had nasogastric tube past through his nose into his stomach and we were givin him juices and milk with medicines throught it.now slowly he has progressed and very concious.he's takin juices with his other hand now,before he was too drowsy and even unable to use his left hand properly,but thank god he's improved.
when he came here he ws in stupor and because we couldnt understand his language it was very difficult to understand,and superimposed on that was his slurred speech due to stroke.so if he needs anythin now he raises his hand,we go to him and ask leading questions like wot do u want?do u want juice?do u want to change posture?and stuff like that,the other day he called me and asked for somthin from the table besides him.i tried to ask him in thousand questions wot he wants,he was fumbling somethin like maaaaanaa..so i somthin struck me and i asked him "marijuana"?and he looked at me with such piercing eyes and shook his head sayin no!ooops then i realized wot i did,marijuana mite hv been the reason why he was in jail and i precipitated the fact by askin him,just like accusing him,oh i feel so bad but by god i didnt mean it.i did try to explain to him that i just asked him because of the sound he made resembled that of marijuana,nothing personal.he was alrite,poor him,think he had no choice.i still feel so so so bad.
rest is fine.im doing great after my last sip of evening tea.
TEA EMPOWERS ME!

tired & depressed.

2006-11-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

im tired,all the bones,muscles,tendons,connective tissues in my body are tired,full of lactic acid.
had a hectic call last nite,
was workin since the morning,then came noon,then afternoon,then evening,then nite,and i was workin along other doctors,looked at the clock it was 2am,got busy again,looked at the clock again,4am,started explaining somthin to a patients attendant,went back to history taking,this time when i looked at the clock it showed 5:30am and sun started showin from the sky,
and i couldnt believe i saw sun twice without a blink.
even workin for such long hours,giving all the care,two of my young patients died,when i say young i mean pts rangin from 35-45.
tried to console the attendant but i couldnt console or convince myself because i knew their death was pure negligence on behalf of surgical unit on call,
they kept on sayin they were busy with their critical patients in their ward.
i dont know wots true but i think we should have a proper set up,my heart bleeds rite now thinkin that two patients lost their lives just because they were poor and couldnt afford proper treatment.
and our hospital is so overworked that someone has to die to someone elses life.
just imagine one fine day you are goin in your car to your business/work/college and u meet an accident.ppl dont recognize u on the spot and some angel does bother to throw u at a government hospitals door,you are just like an ordinary person lyin their gettin treatment from overworked doctors n staff,your family goes on about their business without knowin about u,and even if they do come to the hospital in search of u,thanks to poor record keeping they dont find u and move on to other places where they mite find u,for example a police station.and all that time you are lyin in the hospital all by yourself,lil care and lots of dangers.
keep this in mind and do help the ngos workin for government hospitals,
i think they deserve all the funding.
you mite be saving someones life.
so many lives are lost everyday in civil,woman cry...even men cry....
its just heart breaking.
we need to change the system and not wait for someone else to do it for us.
dont be satisfied at the fact that you can afford agha khan and let the rest go to hell,you mite not be able to see agha khan,you mite end up in a government hospital.
health is our rite,we should have setups where we should be at peace while gettin our treatment done.
lets start all this from home by followin one simple rule
keepin our surroundings clean and not gettin the additional risk of gettin disease.
i think that is where all the effort is required.
to educate to eliminate.
even we the so called educated ppl do stuff which is harmful to our health(like the food we take in,greasy oily,sugary)just because we know we can afford the treatment god forbid we get any disease,like diabetes or hypertension.
most of the ppl around us are obese.most educated ppl dont care about their health,so we the doctors are dealing with ppl who could have avoided disease and we could have directed our expertise towards those who really needed help.
just think about it.

world.

2006-10-31T08:40:00.000-08:00

ye jo world hai na world.....
anyway,went to the ward in a gloomy mood today inspite of an extra shot of caffiene.
entered the ward with my water bottle in one hand bag gripped tight just like a gaon ki larki would hold her child in the fields.
attended the morning meeting,one of the doctors sittin besides me had a fite wit associate proffesor of our ward,he walked out in ehtijaz and insult.
i just watched both of them with a jaw drop.
came back in the docs duty room,tried to have a conversation with another doctor just to be polite...instead made her cry,i only asked you look dull.and with that came big droplets of ansoo....oh,i shouldnt try to socialize in this ward atleast.
as im here for only fifteen more days i just cant crowd my phones address book with numbers i know i wont dialling for the rest of my life.
the new batch of medical students came for their medical checkup.
and 8 doctors from our ward were called to do their checkup including me.
so it was fun all the new kids with glittered emotions were standin there enthusiastically waitin for their turn,
they were so excited that most of them had high pulse rate and low B.P.
so many fumbled with the weight machine,
the funniest were the ones who when asked to stand against the measuring tape plastered wall stood there with their face towards the wall.
baicharay...most of the girls couldnt believe the machine which showed their weight,sayin we checked last week and it was 2kgs less.
i thought dont u remember it was eid last week,and now thanks to all the sheer khormas u had this is your weight,go home exercise from today.
im on duty tomorrow and i so wanna complain about it.
just dont feel like in the ward where once i happily did extra hours and even extra duties.i miss my friends:(

AUTUMN cleaning

2006-10-29T03:26:00.000-08:00

its sunday again,
brother came back today from england,i didnt go pick him up from the airport but this is the excuse which ill be puttin forward tomorrow if asked.
he came around 7 in the mornin,i woke up at 10,when he was sleepin,he woke up at 2,when i was about to go back to sleep.thank god he came to my room and we had a chit chat,caught up on all gossips and news of my cousins back in england,
so one of my sheesha driven crazy is comin to visit us on 7th,
other two of my cousins are gettin engaged this january,
and some others will be visitin us in feb.
wow,lookin forward to all of that
i have started cleanin my room,it takes one whole day to clean my room properly,
when i do clean it i clean it from inside out,i try to clean all those hard to reach places,so this is my day for autumn cleaning.
bhai has gone to play cricket with his old friends,
other two are busy with their own lives.
mum n dad are out too,their eid hasnt finished yet.
and i am sittin here with oiled hair takin a break from cleaning.

my feudal lord(landlord)

2006-10-28T08:32:00.000-07:00

so i went to Bs place last nite
and while she was prayin i started lookin at her book collection and reached out for tehmina durrani's blasphemy,so im talkin to myself and said hmm...if only i could find my feudal landlord....hehhehe...and while still prayin she starts laughin,did the salam and said its not feudal landlord,its my feudal lord.i was so embarassed....tried to clear it by sayin yeah i knew it was a slip of a tongue...khair.
came back with the book and read it till late at nite,skipped work to read and finished it before lunch...i just had a feelin i shuldnt leave HEER in the middle like that.
and now im thinkin about wot excuse should i give on monday for not showin up....

2006-10-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

had a bad day,
went to the hospital today,thought about shunting but then the thought of poor patients made me get up in the mornin
so in the mornin when no one was out and yeah i had my cup of tea while driving i just couldnt help pity myself for gettin up and out on the third day of eid.
so went to the ward to find few docs roamin around,my bed docs werent there so i just joined the icu round,then i heard someone sayin that our bed round has started,so came runnin to get a zoor dar dant for not followin up on my patients,i know it ws my fault i should hv done the follow up on my patients and then gone to any other bed,but there was no one around an i had no idea wot to do and i was so disoriented that i didnt even bother givin an exuse,so during the round when the third round of dant started i took some action,it was also because a senior doctor said tk tk tk kya hogaya hai tumhay,then i realized kay baita ainwi daant pit rahi hai mujhay,i wasnt in the ward because i was posted in the icu for my last two calls,isi liay i didnt do my follow up,because i remember clearly about myself that i dont just ignore work,if im given some work i make sure i do it properly,so i sternly told my associate proff who was dantofyin me that it really isnt my fault and the beds were alloted to someone else,and not me,i just didnt realize it,probably was too sleepy,aargh,the doc who actually was alloted those beds was standing there having fun and not takin the credit of his ignorance and share of my dant.aargh,i know it makes no sense.
the sonay pay suhaga was when this stupid doc comes to me after three hours of thsi session sayin aaj subha say tum bohat kaam kar rahi ho,i actually did work but i found it so sarcastic that i so wanted to dab her face with spirit and put puffs of powdered amoxicillin on it.
and i forgot my phoen at home,it ws so annoyin.
bas rushed back home and slept,woke up at 3-30 and offered prayers.
ghalti to mairi thi,i should have known that those were not my beds and i shouldnt have just let him dantofy me for no reason.

bakra shopping

2006-10-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

so this time i went or so i thought for bakra shoppin,i know its a lil too early for a bakra shoppin but its the other kinda bakra,the shadi ka bakra.
so this guy came to my place to check out the bakri in me,
he went back and approved(still thinkin why)
he left so many questions poppin up in my pea sized brain,
he didnt talk to me and still said yes,wot made him say yes,
all i can think rite now is of that song by sajjad ali
kya maira bangla daikha ya mairi gari daikhi ya maira bank balance daikha?
hehhehhehhehe,
well,so i didnt end up landin at the bakra mahal,but at a friends place near by where as parents went all the way to BM(bakra mahal),
they had some heart to heart talk this time,
and my mum asked him the question which i prepared my mum to ask him
and that was to know why he said yeah,wot did he see.
so the answer which did come forward was that the third person who introduced us shares a bond of trust with guys father and that third person has said some good words about me,so they approved me,hmmm...wot im thnkin rite now is that if that was all which was important why did they bother to come see me?they should have done the rishta on the phone only,if it was ONLY about third persons words.
im so screwed rite now,my mum keeps on tellin me im not gettin any younger and blah blah about my age,
so if im 30 and not married does that mean ill be a social outcast?
no one would lik to talk to me?
or they will look at my parents as irresponsible mother and father?
or my brothers will start hating me and my bhabhis(to be) will spit on me?
or ill not hv the share in family wealth?
or wot?
how necessary it is for a girl to get married before i cross this 25-27 age group?
so i have nthin else in my life to satisfy me but a guy with...now dont make me write it here.
what if he makes my life miserable?wot if he wont be able to make me laugh or take away all the small laughs i have now?
wot if he doesnt like the way i cook(which ill learn in a few days time)
wot if his parents wont let me work?
wot if his bhabhi has this competitive behaviour and there is always a race in the house?
wot if his niece choses to hate me(kids have their reasons)
wot if im not allowed to mingle with friends(dont hv many left here)
wot if he wont let me sleep and get up at the times i would prefer to set for myself?
wot if he has this annoyin habit of scratchin his bottom?or his ears?or pick his nose?
wot if he finds my nose too fat?
or wot if he finds my habits a bit too weird(im a human chopper,openly chop food in my mouth)
aaargh.
wot if im not allowed to become a consultant an improve womens health in pakistan.
im tired now and dont have more wot ifs.

fasting blog status(FBS)

2006-10-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

blurry eyed woke up to the noise of kabhi alvida na kehna's song,
my mum has this habbit of watchin an indian flick on any holiday.
she used to be that kinda workin mum who didnt know how to operate the remote control and boy am i sad now to teach her how to use it,she's over doin it.
she also knows now how to txt from her phone(thanks to my younger bro),the shock of my life was when i was studyin for my exam in england i get a msg from my mum's no,i thought she must have asked someone to write msgs for her,but no the msgs kept on pourin and those too serious and confidential,i called her askin wots wrong with her,she said she just learnt how to text.achievement hai bhai.
thank god my dad still cant do that,and the funny thing is his phone package gives him tons of free msgs which go to waste every month,hehehhe.
so now just waitin for my anda omelette to be ready,cant wait to have fresh tea.
chalo will write later this was just a fasting pre-breakfast post.....still to come pre-lunch,then pre-dinner,then post-dinner posts(all these are also the timings for a diabetic patients suger check point,no im not diabetic,just an extra piece of info)

soraj hon main

2006-10-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

ae sala,abhi abhi,hoya yaqeen,ke aag hai,mujh main kahin
hoi subha,main chal gaya,soraj hon main,nikal gaya...
roobarooo....roshini hai...
a new day,fresh feel.
i miss my brother today,he's in england and will be comin on 28th,stupid airlines,couldnt get a ticket.
this is the first time he's not here for eid,and i miss him dearly,
the boys came back from namaz and i teased my younger brother callin him "kalay chanay"he's got an uneven tan on his little face,it pisses him so much and i take full advantage of that.
i miss all my friends also who have gone abroad,almost all of them and those who have gone to their interior homes.
i dont know if they'll be missin me or will be busy stuffin their pits with saywaiyan.
anyway,lets see how the day goes.gotta go meet nanni.

chanda mamaa

2006-10-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

finally i spotted mr.moon.
prayed for a long time lookin at it.
and im so positive that my prayers will come true.
and with moon sightin comes chand mubarak walay msgs and deteriorating cellphone service.still love eid and everythin associated with it.

main na mano haar

2006-10-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

cant believe it,its not eid tomorrow,how can mr.moon do this to me
so the change in rota,im on call tmorrow instead of second day,so this is turnin out to be in my favour,thank you mr.muneeburrehman.
i wont be workin on second day of eid.ill be workin on chand din,oh i like that.
i got my mehndi done in 200B.C.it'll be old on eid day now:(

mehndi.

2006-10-22T11:07:00.000-07:00

i just went out with B to get mehndi done on my hands,
i just got one hand done and was so sleepy,i decided to stop it there.
just came back home and cant wait for the clock to strike 12,its my 25th birthday!milestone birthday and i dont have any plan,no friends around at this time of year to celebrate.but im not unhappy.i thank god for all that he has given me and for all the world i have been able to see and feel!

pre-eid.

2006-10-22T06:58:00.000-07:00

so i write after two whole days,
i had to do an icu posting as the girl who was already posted there got transferred to another hospital,so it was decided at the last moment that i was the one doing the call on friday,jumatulwida.
so the call went smooth,S,A and N came in the morning to mourn my unexpected call,
and then my day had all types of twists and turns rangin from shifting the patient to another ward to doin cpr on a ward patient,had biscuit with pakola milk for sehri,came home and passed out.
woke up at four,then got ready to for iftar at my nani's.
had iftar there,went out for shopping with brothers.
came back and passed out again.
woke up today at 1pm,slept again at 3pm
wow,i have spent some last 30 hours sleeping.
i was so sure to see the moon tonite and then the drama would have been so exciting of cursin the maulvi muneeburrehman and his committee
but no,i tried convincing my younger brother to come see the moon,couldnt be bothered explainin it to the old ones,they all think im mad,
so the younger one just for eidi came in my jhansa and we went to find the mooon,but no its not eid tmorrwo,one more day.
chalo.
im thinkin about sleeping again now,
turnin into a pumpkin now.
with swollen eyes.
gotta go